How do we Create the Life we want, when Life feels so Busy?
I remember when I started attending workshops, reading books and learning about how I could bring change to my family’s and my life to bring more support and healing, which were more aligned with our values, I found that I became increasingly frustrated.
All of these authors, space holders, people ‘in the know’ that I came across, were talking of things that seemed impossible for me to access at the time. They spoke of meditating on your OWN for twenty minutes in the morning. They spoke of this place where you could sit up in bed at the break of day and ‘light source’ undisturbed for TWENTY minutes. Peacefully. In the morning. They spoke of intentionally eating your breakfast quietly, with NO distractions. Being fully present with your first HOT cup of tea of the day. What was this place they were speaking of? I was waking up in my bed/sometimes my child’s miniature bed, with their foot in my ear, who also needing breast feeding immediately on waking, which I did whilst eating some burnt toast and drinking my cup of cold tea.
I could not relate to them.
There was no way I could manage to do the things they were speaking of – I had neither time nor space. I mean, I’d love to spend the morning chanting with the land at first light for an hour or hop on over to Ibiza for some healing and sober rave for the weekend, I’d be on it like a shot. But that just ain’t gonna happen.
So I felt a bit deflated, albeit with a glimmer of hope inside that there was a different way to access this more aligned, calmer way of living.
Where were the people who had a house full of kids and were ‘spiritually aligned’??
I couldn’t find any.
So I made it a quest to figure out a way to find to bring some more all rounded well-being of mind, body, soul and spirit… whilst also still being a mum and carer.
How did I do it?
I first made it my mission. I committed to it. I spoke it out loud and I believed every word I said.
At the time, we were really struggling as a family, there was a lack of hope and support for what we really needed. So as these things didn’t come forward to me, I went to search for them.
Where did I start?
1. I first acknowledged that I wanted change. I said it out loud. There had to be another way, an easier way.
2. I started to pay attention to what I really wanted.
3. I slowed down.
4. I began to listen.
5. I chose to get grateful.
The last one was the hardest. But the most transformative.
I realised that in wanting change for my family, I had to start with myself. I was struggling to manage the situations that were occurring around me and as they were out of my control, I was unable to change them. So, the only thing that I could actively ‘do’ something about, was me. I had to start somewhere, so I started at the centre.
The one key component to mention here though, is that what I was doing at the time wasn’t ‘wrong’ – I was managing on what I had available to me, and that was good enough. How we respond to life is always enough because we’re using what we know and have learned. However, what I felt was that I wanted to find a different way, because the way we lived and how we did things, just didn’t flow as we wanted it to.
I wasn’t on a mission to change myself because something was ‘wrong’ with me.
I just could feel that there was a different way.
So I went on search to look for that ‘other way’ that would work for us.
The next step I took was finding space for me. I started saying yes to things. I started to get brave and go to places and meet people I wouldn’t have previously gone to. I started to see myself as an investment. We weren’t in a situation to spend weekends on holidays or going out for dinner and because of this the opportunities and invitations to weekends away with friends dried up so I decided to invest in myself… because I knew that in doing so would benefit not only myself, but also my family around me. It was an investment for us all.
And this led me on a road to discovering who I was, it brought enormous change for my family and it enabled us to experience more freedom than we’d ever had.
So I started to find ways to bring more alignment, more joy, more calm and more flow into our life, for myself first and then my family.
It’s always a work in progress and some days are easier than others, but right now it all feels pretty wonderful. The calm amongst any chaos. So whatever is going on, I know what I need, when I need it and how to access it… and by being able to give it to myself, I am available for more in my life and for my children. We must hold space for ourselves first.
And I have managed to do this with a full busy (ish) home and life.
It is manageable. It is do-able.
I may not be able to get up for a sunrise walk on my own every morning for meditation or want to spend week long retreats abroad at the moment, but I am able to find ways to connect with myself and grow, right at home, with what I have available right on my doorstep. We have all that we need, available to us, right within and in front of us.
And the first step to making it so do-able is probably, to ‘be’ with and present with what is and ask yourself, what do I want? What do I need? You can do and start the spiritual, healing, ‘finding yourself’ thing right now and just… be. And see if you can give yourself permission to give yourself what it is that you need.
Much love x
