The Art of Expansion and Contraction
This week, I mentioned to some dear friends about a body reaction I sometimes get after someone asks me how I am.
‘How are you?’ they ask. ‘I’m good thanks’ I reply because I generally do feel good. But that feeling good doesn’t necessarily mean that in life, all my ‘ducks are in a row’.
What I mean by it, is that I feel good and am good with everything that I’m doing and holding. And at the same time, I can also feel a whole other load of unravelling and uncertainty. This moment in time that we are experiencing, things are energetically hugely shifting and it may be feeling a tad *u-n-c-o-m-f-o-r-t-a-b-l-e* for a lot of people.
That’s the nature of change, shifting, rising, stepping in.
But we also live in a culture, where we are celebrated in having our s*** together, and anything outside of this may be considered as bad, worrying or that there’s something wrong with us.
Over the last month, I’ve had the phrase ‘Contraction and Expansion’ being repeated in my ear over and over. As I moved into this year it felt like stepping into the unknown. Last summer one of my eldest children moved back home, and while it is an absolute joy to have her home, it took some transitioning for us all. I had to step back and refuel – I CONTRACTED my energy and pulled on deeper reserves and learning for and of myself. It was a total gift and a necessary one.
With another level of knowing and caring for myself, things became settled within home and human ‘stuff’ aspects of life and as I progressed into this year, EXPANSION has been presented. I recently woke up one morning with the direction to sign up to some training that I have known for a few years I needed to do at some point… and it scared the heck out of me. At the same time, I also totally feel ready for it. It’s already taken me closer to my edge and is inviting me to EXPAND my capacity for all things in life. Particularly, in how I can support myself and receive support even more.
We need to be able to support and resource ourselves in a range of ways, both within ourselves and without AND to be able to receive and ask for support from others.
These may be things which can be challenging for some and take us to an edge.
What do I mean by being taking to an edge?
For me, this means that I get uncomfortable as f***, I can feel my body respond with activation, my heart races, my nervous system goes on alert over drive and there may be some icky parts of myself come up (hello shadow), aspects of myself that I’ve rejected that resurface. I may want to run for the hills, sell up and buy that lodge in the woods and hide from the world, or I might completely disassociate and scroll mindlessly for a while, procrastinate… you get the idea. You may resonate with some of these perhaps? At first, it can feel utterly petrifying, where the earth and your foundations have disappeared beneath your feet. A surge of overwhelming emotion may occur.
It’s at these times that I feel I want to CONTRACT all my energy back in, stay small and prefer to keep myself comfortable and familiar. And that is all ok to do.
The art of EXPANSION, however, does bring some discomfort and to help invite and soften it, we can welcome in ways for us to surrender. Finding ways to get comfortable with the discomfort is key, which is where creating a toolkit for ourselves, to resource us at any given time, with things that will comfort and keep ourselves grounded when feeling highly activated. It’s creating an art form of noticing what is occurring within you, and being curious around how long you can comfortably stay within said discomfort. The only way we can heal is to feel through and support ourselves through it. We have to find safer, supportive ways to face what we’re ready to face.
This is not about ‘pushing through’ a feeling, this is about bringing safety, support and trust in yourself, bringing in the emotions and sensations and then choosing to step back when you’re ready as you start to feel close enough to the discomfort, to your edge. This allows you to pull yourself back into comfort before going over the edge. With very slow steps and a gradual compassionate approach, you can expand your capacity of how much you can feel, tolerate and support yourself in all aspects of life.
So how can you support yourself when you feel as though you are close to or at your edge?
Be present, be mindful, be in the moment.
Sensory exploration – bring your awareness to your surroundings, take in noises, sights, feel textures, smells, tastes.
Bring your awareness within, what can you feel within your body – just notice it and bring love into the space.
Give yourself compassionate permission and space to feel all that is occurring within you.
Slow down. In everything, consciously slow down how you breathe, move, walk, look around, speak.
Give yourself something that feels nourishing and comforting - good food, favourite drink in favourite mug, sit or lie down in the sunshine for twenty minutes, movement, stillness, get curious about what works for you.
Ask for support, either from a loved one, trusted friend, therapist, healer.
If you’re feeling as though you’re struggling to pull yourself back into comfort, find a practitioner/therapist/coach/healer and book a session with someone that you’re drawn to.
Get curious and find what works for you - lean into surrender and trust that the discomfort won’t remain constant and that you will find some comfort.
In order for us to experience growth and to support ourselves through these times, it’s even more supportive if we can ride the waves of peaks and valleys, moving between the CONTRACTION of our energy and emotions to the EXPANSION and gentle stretch of our edges.
The great thing about building this capacity for EXPANSION, even with it feeling uncomfortable is that in turn, it also builds our capacity for experiencing the heights of life… the joy, endless love, pleasure and the magic that life has to offer, in a place of full trust and receiving. Lush. Who doesn’t want a bit of that?!
And so, I’ve booked the training and I‘ve totally invested in stretching my edges even more. I am fully stepping into the EXPANSION, in a dance with the comfort and the discomfort it brings, supporting myself and being supported as I move through in trust.
So, with going back to the question from the beginning of writing this…
How am I, you may ask?
Yeah, I’m good thanks, pretty good.
Xx
If any of this has resonated or you’re curious to discover more, be in touch with a discovery call or book a session, where we can explore ways to support yourself in moving between discomfort and comfort.
